Dedication to Erick Djerf, 1963-2010

Facebook Note of 9:20p.m., 31July2013
"better to have lost in love,
than never to have loved at all",
 it is said...
but it is also terribly cruel.
 I cannot
(and don't think I want to)
get over the loss of an ex,
not the way that he passed.
He was afraid,
and endured pain
for God knows how many years
- Still he loved God,
 his life,
 all his friends...
he'd been a great jazz musician,
artist and art teacher.

Maybe having watched
those Twighlight Zone movies was a sign?
Meh!
We loved watching
good old-fashioned sci-fi.
How we'd met was spontaneous,
out of an open mic during Mardi Gras 2008.
He asked me out,
picked me up from a drawing class
out of an underground ronchy venue
in Downtown.
We'd spent two weeks together
and learned a lot about each other...

He'd written before he left this realm,
I treated him as if I would maybe
get to talk to him again...

Today, I saw his name tagged,
 and thought I would tell him 'hello'....

 The pain of this mourning
is gradually seeping.
It is okay.
He didn't deserve to suffer
his bipolar pains.
He deserves to rest in peace.
He passed 3 years ago,
and I just found out today.
It's the first time
I lose someone this close,
I have to devote some more work
in his honor.

Facebook Note of 5:30p.m. & My Last Letter to Erick - 31July2013

You are not an abandoned soul
out in the middle of the desert...
You were never that monster
you were afraid to become...
You were my muse,
My Life,
My Love,
and My Everything...
you were supposed to remain,
annoyingly adorable ex...
... We'd watched our films
of Sci-Fi
in Black & White...
I giggled about your cat,
begging us for breakfast.
We were neighbors,
and delicious lovers.

For you, in those two weeks we were together,
I wrote:

 "Arms embracing like arboles branches
reaching for the sol

 Skin glistening like the luna
reflecting off the ojas

 Kisses pecking like striped bumbles
hopping upon petalos

 Bodies in rhythm like avejas
drinking sweet nectar

 Lluvia from the sky
falling into the tierra

 absorbing sacredly."

 -- Praying With My Love, 2008

(although I read it to you one night,

you may have or never have heard it...

but people have been enjoying it)

 ... we went to church one time.

two years later you had written to apologize.

That monster within had torn us apart.

Your spirit shall always be cherished.

Erick Djerf, you are a beautiful soul
wherever & whenever you may be.

Love, Karla Lopez

 

*The story of his passing.