this took me 12 years to write...
Love - is not an action.
Love is a way of Life.
-- many have been, are, will be
husbands,
boyfriends,
lovers,
boy toys,
etc...
just acting out a stupid role -
but they never achieve being
confidents or best friends.
because they never truly love --
they hate people
for simply understanding
for showing unconditional love.
they have tried everything
to manifest their hatred.
Love - is not an action.
Love is a way of Life.
— 10:52
— 10:53
— 10:53
— 11:00
— 11:02
— 11:08
— 11:25
— 11:26
— 12:07
— 12:12
- why?
— 12:13
— 12:14
— 12:15
— 12:21
— 12:33
— 12:35
— 12:47
— 12:47
Pretty
Pretty
Pretty Pear
your body so lovely
your shape is rare
a shade of green
brown speckles and stem
how was one to know
within you was a gem?
Pretty
Pretty
Pretty Pear
sweet are your juices
splashing onto my hair
the deeper I bight
more of the earth I taste
gushing delight
but what is this earthy aftertaste?
within you a chrysalis
within you a cocoon
within you had been a caterpillar
within you a mother's womb
I lament to have eaten you
I lament to have tasted you
I lament to have mistaken you
for a deform-ed seed...
You would have become
Gaia's interweaving
Gaia's macramé ...
with pairs of wings
to fly and flutter
a sight on my eyes
to caress
like bread under butter
you did not say a word
you were so still
you would have been a silky bird
the taste on my teeth is shrill
forgive me would be butterfly
forgive me would be moth
I shall dream of you in flight
I shall dream of your host's delight
My Pear Coccoon,
rest in peace
good night.
Chevalterre Nabil
15 Aug 2013, 2a.m.
Black is Beauty
Black as rain
Black is Solitude
Black is the solemn pain
gradually seeping
through my being
unallowed to enter my crimson core
allowed to dispurse out to nowhere
never...
let it absorb all the colors...
they each
Vermillion
Gold
Emerald
Indigo
Haze grey
... they each
out - stretched
as I stretch this morning.
with my arms up high
towards the sun.
The ever-loving sun.
Holy Trinity.
Core of the Milky Way.
All these colors
dispursed...
speckled...
speckled sun kisses...
zesty ginger on my sushi.
speckled sesame seeds on top
tickling taste buds.
Black sesame seeds
colors amidst the Black.
Black Turkish Rose
little black rose buds.
Black caresses my heart.
It does not enter.
-- Chevalterre Nabil
1AUG2013
11a.m.
Facebook Note of 9:20p.m., 31July2013
"better to have lost in love,
than never to have loved at all",
it is said...
but it is also terribly cruel.
I cannot
(and don't think I want to)
get over the loss of an ex,
not the way that he passed.
He was afraid,
and endured pain
for God knows how many years
- Still he loved God,
his life,
all his friends...
he'd been a great jazz musician,
artist and art teacher.
Maybe having watched
those Twighlight Zone movies was a sign?
Meh!
We loved watching
good old-fashioned sci-fi.
How we'd met was spontaneous,
out of an open mic during Mardi Gras 2008.
He asked me out,
picked me up from a drawing class
out of an underground ronchy venue
in Downtown.
We'd spent two weeks together
and learned a lot about each other...
He'd written before he left this realm,
I treated him as if I would maybe
get to talk to him again...
Today, I saw his name tagged,
and thought I would tell him 'hello'....
The pain of this mourning
is gradually seeping.
It is okay.
He didn't deserve to suffer
his bipolar pains.
He deserves to rest in peace.
He passed 3 years ago,
and I just found out today.
It's the first time
I lose someone this close,
I have to devote some more work
in his honor.
Facebook Note of 5:30p.m. & My Last Letter to Erick - 31July2013
You are not an abandoned soul
out in the middle of the desert...
You were never that monster
you were afraid to become...
You were my muse,
My Life,
My Love,
and My Everything...
you were supposed to remain,
annoyingly adorable ex...
... We'd watched our films
of Sci-Fi
in Black & White...
I giggled about your cat,
begging us for breakfast.
We were neighbors,
and delicious lovers.
For you, in those two weeks we were together,
I wrote:
"Arms embracing like arboles branches
reaching for the sol
Skin glistening like the luna
reflecting off the ojas
Kisses pecking like striped bumbles
hopping upon petalos
Bodies in rhythm like avejas
drinking sweet nectar
Lluvia from the sky
falling into the tierra
absorbing sacredly."
-- Praying With My Love, 2008
(although I read it to you one night,
you may have or never have heard it...
but people have been enjoying it)
... we went to church one time.
two years later you had written to apologize.
That monster within had torn us apart.
Your spirit shall always be cherished.
Erick Djerf, you are a beautiful soul
wherever & whenever you may be.
Love, Karla Lopez
just kindly sharing, and although we don't know each other... careful what you wish upon a child (your own or not)
I was a happy skinny little girl. ate well, slept well... my dad used to keep picking on me about my size. and as I kept growing more healthy... and things in the family would slowly go downward... being a healthier size, and now showing so much bones then turned into being picked on for not being so skinny. It was awkward. by the age of 10, problems in the family had already kick started my depression. so to the point that subconsciously the eating habits were no longer on that happy healthy level. Fast forward to 1997, as I joined the Armed Forces - I barely made it in weighing just 4 lbs over my maximum weight. Stress made me gain weight, surgeries made me retain many fluids. I ballooned from a moderate 175 lbs to 215 lbs. Little by little after I fulfilled my contract, honorably discharged - My body took on it's natural form. Let's call it a rebirth. I'm over all the things I went through in my 20's. Going into my 30's I'm blessed, working whenever scheduled as a model in art classes. Despite all the comments people/society continuously makes towards one another about the way they look. It's not about your intentions or wishes. Instead, if you will, please consider your tendencies of thinking & speaking & writing.
"All she needs is a little more meat on her bones", was repeated to me... I would have been a different kind of model, or even better - would have been able to work more time in the Military. Had that phrase Never been said to me.
I live a happier life because I choose to. Not because anyone else wished it for me.
- See yourself and others well.
Gimme a Beat!
..Well... !
Here's a little story, I'd like to tell
about some stupid little people that like to give me hell!
They show a lot of hatred, and scare my friends away,
but I gotta kick them outta my life, as soon as Today!
Some are in my family, some call themselves my friends
but they don't really love, and practice ill trends.
When I catch them in their act
behaving so stupid, and talking so dumb.
They expect me to be emotional,
but I just feel so numb!
I wanna have a good day, I wanna have fun
don't mean to be astray, please tell me a joke - share a pun!
These stupid people in my past can make me mad.
I feel that if I kick them out, it may make me glad.
I'd rather hang with my pals
amazing dudes and gals
they dance and play
are straight, some gay
they are colorful and natural
musical and cultural
of different creeds
doing good deeds
share veggie feeds
planting good seeds!
They write a lot of poetry
and spread the good word.
They deserve attention, y'all and need to be heard.
You see, I used to live in silence
I used to be a mute
And once I started making friends
They showed me I was alright, and kinda cute!
I opened up to giggle, let out a little laugh
drawing triangles and circles on paper of graph
when I started writing I was as sad as Poe
I didn't want nobody treating me like a ho!
These people of hate are still in my life
so bare with me please,
on my own I go through this strife!
I wish you didn't know, I hope it doesn't show
I feel so damn depressed, this illness needs to go.
I can pray and meditate, that's just not enough
if this happens to you.. it's not tough
to get up - Stay Up!
I'll show you how it's done --
Click "delete", don't accept defeat
when they call, throw the curve ball
Keep them outta your house and wish them well.
They can drag their little tails.
Too bad, oh well!
I had a hard time writing this
now there is silence and bliss.
listen up and understand
that "no" means "no"
As in, if someone says "no thank you",
"you're alright, I'm good",
Or if they're just quiet and show a smile
You know it's all good.
Just learn to back off, be at peace with yourself.
If you keep giving hell, then go seek Help!
Look deep within yourself and realize
We all have our agendas
we each have a demise
Don't aim it towards nobody, do not impose on them.
Learn to live, learn to love
Within you is a gem.
Feel it near, see it clear.
And be disturbed no more....
Peace! Yo!
Have a Nice Day. :D
Today's Facebook Note turned into a good blog topic story...
This one's about being multicultural...
*I'm remembering an evening I went out to New Tokyo's on the Honch...
The year was 2001, post 9-11.
The pub called New Tokyo's was the gay hang out.
The Honch is the honcho street, a.k.a. main street - happens to be Dobuita Street, just a walk across from the main gate of the Yokosuka Navy Base, Yokosuka Japan.
My hair was all long,
it reached my bum, overlapping 2 inches.
Naturally wavy, I straightened it
and sprayed a white streak on the side.
"my look, my art" I thought. Pero NO!
I truly didn't see myself the way others did.
I've always been aware of my cultural makeup.
Just I ignored other people's biases...
That night, I got profiled left and right!
My analogy is that of a vynil record}
Side A.
by a co-worker in Admin.
I'll call him stupid, because he used to call himself stupid.
He's actually, a fantastic soul. a Chritian Reverend.
I admire his spirit.
At the time, I felt we were friends with different opinions, yet similar points of view.
We can try to make sense of that.
Side B.
was totally weirded out by a 7-fleet coreman
He always seemed sweet, very Mexican, but never from Mexico.
I discovered that hiding behind his mild manners
was a vato from Chi-town...
He was a little cholillo!
And he was totally tripping out on the way I looked.
I did also happen to be wearing all black, not very much makeup on my face, mind you.
This fucker was so pissed drunk, he started calling me VETERANA.
I was all in my white girl innocent mentality "whaddaya mean? whaddaya mean?".
UGH! LOL
I had no freaking clue, not anyone from El Paso or Los Angeles had ever explained to me...
though I felt the feeling offending me that a Veterana is by urban dictionary defined as an: "Old school hood rat. typically has exagerated hair bangs, drawn-in eyebrows & a dark shade of lipstick and has been around the block a couple of thousand times."
I will admit I have loved wearing black or blue lipstick, but that's a gothic thing, anyway...
His vibe changed to make me feel better}
That dude was all "I Luuuuv youuu, I RESPECT you, cuz you a VETERANA!.
Which his meaning changed to that of a Spanish dictionary meaning:
I'm the bitch with the broken foot
and the broken heart
Broken strings on my green-bruised violin
Broken wings upon my Eagle Eye-sight
Broken microwave bowl
Broken shower head and duct tape
A broken back and a broken iron anchor,
topped with anxiety and PTSD...
Broken appetite for food
Pizza & Pepsi make my heart melt!
Broken appetite for sex
No one can handle this Woman's wonderful libido...
Libido...
LIBIDO!
topped with hormones and pretty pussy.
Broken anger and broken stress
I'll sing 'Hare Krishna' in a long white dress...
But... but... but only because
I'm just not into relationships,
and relationships aren't into me...
I'm the bitch with the broken foot
and the broken heart
Broken strings on my green-bruised violin
Broken wings upon my Eagle Eye-sight
Broken microwave bowl
Broken shower head and duct tape
A broken back and a broken iron anchor,
topped with anxiety and PTSD...
But... but... but only because
I'm just not into relationships,
and relationships are not into me...
My stalkers, harassers, abusers
want to drug me, violate me, belittle me.
They want me under their spells...
Broken Charms!
Broken Chains!
I'm only into scarf bondage, honey
I could let you choke a little...
But dare you come up to my place,
I'd sooner push you down the stairs...
Because I'm the bitch with the broken foot
and the broken heart
Broken strings on my green-bruised violin
Broken wings upon my Eagle Eye-sight
Broken microwave bowl
Broken shower head and duct tape
A broken back and a broken iron anchor,
topped with anxiety and PTSD...
But... but... but
hehehehehe...
only because
I'm just not into relationships,
and relationships aren't into me...
Facebook Notes – by Chevalterre Nabil, as Karla Nabil:
June 10, 2012
-- New shit poem by Chevalterre Nabil, a.k.a. KLRabstracts written right this second!
Just because I date men, does not mean I am straight.
Just because I seem well-adjusted, does not mean I hate.
I do not care to predict the future or who will be my mate.
The path for that Person and I is in the hands of fate!
June 11, 2012
-- I love being unclosetted.
Met a someone today,
he unclosetted himself to me.
Now we are in each other's lives.
No questionning good feelings/intentions.
I set a good goal yesterday...
after processing out much negativity.
Woke up feeling fine.
And there is added happiness. ^_^
By Chevalterre Nabil via KLRabstracts
Slam poetry performed by Karla w/ a 'K'
Sept 2011
(read with Southern accent - optional)
I am Allergic to
Ethnicism and Racism
Not sharing the proper terms
to translate for better understanding
Claims of
'We're not catering
to That kind of audience.'
My heart sinks
I lose the will
to pluck my strings
As much as you
want me to entertain
The group has been falling apart.
Half of us make That
kind of audience.
I am Allergic
to Narcissism
Trying to
use my name and title
Called me 'jealous'
for having
invited you,
included you
with the team.
Suckin' up to me
with vast (lots of) nourishment
poisoning my blood
with tons
and tons
of butter.
follow me,
haunt me,
yell at me,
and taunt me.
Suckin' out my good blood
I get diabetic symptoms
Our acquaintance
More than fell apart.
Expect me
to fail
... always asking
'What's Wrong?'
Never answering my calls
for when
it's necessary
to clear the air.
Each moment (every time)
you step into the room
The buttered up lies
(just) Make me sick.
I am Allergic to
empty word-isms
Neglect
I show up to the meeting
& you're shootin' the breeze
I pick up somebody's slack
end up chasin' you down
for a mere $6.50 salary!
I wait for attendance...
I work on marketing propaganda...
I wait
with the ethnicist
who favors the narcissist
feeding me
Poison
draining my good will
the good blood
I'm on the verge
of unloading
all the bad news,
all the drama
on You...
Then I receive
your message...
'I Promise!'
You haven't (ain't even) been present (here)
for over one (a) week
The projects
have been falling apart!
I care no more
to wait astray
at a lonely table
centered in that gallery
of oblivion.
Skepticism
is my antidote
My silence
My neutrality
My personal strength
Can drive you nuts!
Should you perssist
in putting me or anyone down
Assuming the worst
I can get you
the antidote
for that Pessimism.
Though (but),
Not without
Passing through
the oracles
of the grandiose
Karma
and
Dogma!
When you are strong
You'll learn
to trust
and Love
yourself
So Unconditionally
That when
we reunite,
We won't
recognize
one another. (each other.)
*here's a little sex ed for the over-grown kids.
**not for those under the age of 18!
(sung)-->
Shot through the heart!
We are each to blame
Darling,
We all give love a bad name...
(end song)
The college professor
had the entire room
split into two.
Much like
opposing baseball teams
we shook hands
in passing.
None of us knew
one another
Yet, this instructor
proceeded to rape
our minds...
That bitter old bitch
said...
'That's how easily
you can catch AIDS...'
well...
Let's not forget
Syphilis
Gonorrhea
-- there are
different forms
of hu-hu-hu-Herpes...
There are little
midget pervs
making booty calls
to any hoochy
asking her...
'How are you,
honey bunny?
You don't have any outbreaks.
Do you?'
... Do you?
Well...
if you ask
someone who said
they were your friend
to lend an ear...
You can feel bewildered
when they get uptight
and defensive
with the expression:
'I ALWAYS get checked...
That's why
I always get checked!'
goddamn, fucking lying bitch!
You sleep around!..
How many people's
hands did you shake
before mine?
Where you hang out
He hangs out
and she hangs out
and we hang out
He...
I said 'He'
that dude
... carrying a loaded gun
But his partner
calls him out instead
They bicker at each other
like little chicken bitches
You don't believe them
I didn't believe them
We don't believe them
But now that I'm talking to you
Maybe you do Actually
get checked.
I feel an Itch!
An Itch to pull
An Itch to pull a trigger
the trigger of a 9-mil!
She,
and he,
and we
want to pull our triggers
and get trigger happy
with our shaky shaking hands
We wanna commit suicide
cut ourselves
choke ourselves
No!
-- you choke me, baby
'cause it feels so good!
Oh!
It always feels so good!
Your sex feels so good.
I miss you...
Let's you and me play
with our guns.
You gave me this gift...
I can't pass it along
to someone else.
You fucking bastard,
don't run away!!
I pick up the phone,
and call your clones.
go get yourself checked.
Go Get Yourself Checked.
GO get YOURSELF CHECKED
Each of them give me
attitude...
except the last one...
'Sorry, honey --
You did use a condom'
Go Get Checked Anyway!
...If it is so urgent for you
That I get to a clinic
without any money,
Why don't You take me?
And you get mad
'cause you know
you were packin' heat
Even if maybe
perhaps...
maybe...
You didn't shoot me.
You didn't give me nothing...
Maybe.
How many more
hands are you gonna touch
with your guns
Loaded
with venerial diseases?
And still,
he gloats
when he runs into her...
Look, a new baby.
Right out in public!
The bastard/bitch
has multiplied.
I lie, and say
'I am happy for you.'
Because I don't wanna rape
an evesdropper's mind
with what I know about you.
... Concealed weapon, and all.
Take me around to the alley.
Pull it out
- AIM
(sung)
& Shoot through my Heart!
I am to blame
We all give love
a bad name...
We All give Love
A bad name.
(end song)
April 5, 2011
'...Madre de gracia
Madre de misericordia
en la vida
y en la muerte
amparanos gran señora...'
Protect us dear Mother
protect us from our own fears
How could we have manifested
these needless tears
throught generations?
centuries?
Yet we've not reached past
our ignorance,
vast confusion.
We are in constant fear
of your wrath...
that you,
Grandious Earth
will swallow us alive
We're brain-washed
assuming we've damaged you
immensly!
When to you,
the cuts and bruises
are mere pimples.
We humans are mere
microorganisms
traveling around
your magnificent,
bodacious body
Dear Mother...
your core is unreachable,
untouchable,
Sacred!
Your skin is rich and fertile
in tan and red tones
Your hair grows
and grows...
freshly lush
green and sweet...
I love to taste your hair
its nutrients I enjoy!
Your blood
ebbs... it flows
through the elements
Water
Wind
Fire
! te adoro
Oh, Madre Tierra!
tercer planeta
en el Milky Way
Silky it looks
in the Universe
sweet it must taste
to demi gods
You wear
slight cleavage
voluptuous curves
in your deep valleys
and high mountain ranges
Whether you ever
feel ill
or really great
your body quivers,
it quakes!
How could we so microbial
for so long
still assume that
we hurt you?
You can shake us off
like chain-linked ants
we could seize to exist
and you
not only can
not only will...
You just have
and will Be!
I write this to you
Mother, dear
because I know
that no chemicals,
no plastics,
no electronics
could ever harm you.
You gave man kind
the materials
the minerals
to use...
experiment with
to us in 500 years.
to you, in a few days
Everything we manufacture
will return to what it was.
The Hopi know
what you're all about.
So they just don't worry.
Can the rest of us
do the same?
You sneezed...
scratched an itch
and it flooded houses
swiped out
entire cities
You say... 'oops!"
God gives us strength.
And still we do
cherish
and worship you
So
'... Por la señal
de la Santa Cruz
de nuestros enemigos
libranos señor nuestro...'
Free us
from assuming
so much
about this Earth
we live in.
When we follow
your path
We know what we're capable of
and can just be.
by Chevalterre Nabil via KLRabstracts - 4 June 2011
Heading down south
in El Chuco town
El Chuco town
Just left the library
and texting you
I wait for
the Sun Metro
Have a small snack:
pizza combos
Heading down south
in El Chuco town
it's my home town
Cathedral bells
chime
a short chime
bus comin' over the hill
chimes mark 2:45 p.m.
bus arrives
I slide my card
steppin onboard
I step aboard
Headin' down south
in El Chuco town
and so are you
and so am I
and so we are
He wears
brown, green, white
swirls
I text you
He wears
big glittered red hat
you text back
big glittered red shoes
clown shoes
el payasito
mira...
He's very tall
Tu eres very tall
y stepping off the bus
I just noticed you
Lighting
your cig
under a brown cap
a brown cap
I head further south
near Juaritos
in El Chuco town...
I text you back
I text you back
We was on the same bus
you see my friend
you saw my friend
You text me back
you text me back
I was on the same bus
you laughed, my friend
we laughed, my friend
steppin' off el bus
at the terminal
our day was kinda bad
I was almost a little mad
but since we almost ran into each other
we both were rather glad
we each were rather glad.
Woke up to fresh air
caressed by browns
sage green
in a daze,
I walked downhill...
surrounded by heavy traffic.
Are you in that traffic?
your sage hair
matching your sage attire
Are you in that traffic?
I woke up again to fuscia,
loving fuscia
the air is fresh
the sun tans me in my somber
I am brown
a little red
quite naturally
phone texts exhaust me...
I tried to tell you
you couldn't hear me
too much traffic
of thoughts
in the air
thoughts between us exhaust me.
Please stop following me.
But please
stay close.
Soon I'll be rested
Soon I'll awaken.
