I Love You Still

I am sorry.
I cannot be There,
where You'd like me to...
the way I used to be.
---
It's a painful process....
when you think of me,
I think of you
---
When you yearn to feel me near,
the pain shared -
I endure.
---
the form to cure:
to write and call...
Call or write.
I am always here.
-----
-- 13Jun2015, C.N.

Iron? Knot! Sew! (Irony? Not So!)

She felt the noose around her neck
wanting to tighten
She felt that noose around her neck
trying to tighten
She'd reach for it
when it wasn't there
She'd assimilate tightening it
and nothing hurt
But why did that noose insist?
Why did it persist?
In choking her so....
so... she sews
threading through needles
to mend and sew...
So!
She mends and sews...
threading little needles
she mends and sews!
Mending, colors blending
the mind no longer bending
threads manipulated
folded and bending
through the eye of Silver...
Mending, colors bending
the mind tried and bending
hindering Knot
knots
kinks
and ties
in the Mind!
Thoughts had twisted
morbid feelings misting...
No, no, no, no more!
Why Not?
SHE FOUGHT!
sew, so
she threaded and mended....
so so
the colors healing
and harmonized....
noose around neck
was sent to heck...
dissintigrating to dust
feeling no morbid lust...
dissintigrating to dust
desert sand between her toes...
-----
- Chevalterre Nabil
13 JUNE 2015

Juarez Issues 4th anniversary

cuando el gobierno Mexicano comienze a cooperar y darnos doble ciudadania...

cuando la gente de DF (no importa en que parte del mundo esten) que abusan y odian al resto de Mexico (incluyendo a cualquier persona que consideren "mexa"... a lo mejor me interesaria un poquitititito mas el deseo de regresar a trabajar o visitar...

pero, Dios y nomas el Señor- es quien sabra cuando se vayan a calmar aquellos quienes siguen abusando. Porque la realidad esque llevan generaciones continuando sus problemas en Japon, EEUU, y otros paises. Y otras gentes siguen el eco/el patron de sus maldades.

This note is a written thought inspired from the campaign Diario de Juarez (video attached), as well as experiences from travels and tours in Japan in 20012 and one of Ms. Karla's last art gigs in El Paso prior to needing to move to New Mexico...
-- the video is intended to be inspiring and motivating to Juarences.
-- the blog post is to voice what a binational still struggles with in thought.
_____ thank you for reading. do share your thoughts in the comments section.

Chucanito Infatuations

(for Mr. de Anda, from Ms. Nabil)

The gentle giant steps aboard the bus
sitting a seat away from the lady weaving freehand
he checks her out and smiles gallantly...
No, he does not check out her cleavage.
No, he does not check out her hips.
He doesn't even check for makeup or jewelry.
She's a lady.
She's not flaunted anything...
until she notice what he is checking out...
She then keeps busting her moves:
digits dancing
digits dressed and draped
in burgundy and aqua tones...
embroidery floss in varied lengths
twisted, kinked, and knotted...
manipulated to her liking...
by the meatiness and bellies of each of her fingers.
the gentle giant asks what she does with her creations.
she describes it in brief
She delights his eyes, with treasures finished in her bag...
in black, red, gold, and green...
he nearly lusts, and holds himself back.
He's not going to shop on the bus.
He warmly opens up to tell her of his crafty traits
airbrushing on leather and suede...
will he get the job at Lucchese?
She recommends Rocketbuster, too!
Silent pause...
She looks up and introduces herself
they shake hand...
their conversation continued and flowed
in one and two languages
switched and combined
consistently flowing
each, never doubting
never hesitating...
Silent pause...
they each wonder:
'How do I get to see her again?'
'I wonder if he'd like to continue this conversation.
but it doesn't have to be..."
Before she continues,
he asks how he can get a hold of her.
She offers her information
with her pseudonym...
He writes his full name...
Being new to town and no means of communication yet...
gentle
sweet
handsome
tall man
from Brownsville...
She,
some long gone forgotten creative of El Chuco...
commuting from the Crossroads
to the Sun City...
nearly always working.
She's glad she didn't get a ride
and walked to catch the bus to work.
Or she'd never have met this kind creative soul.
Time is all there is now...
to tell another day of how this friendship
may continue.

-- Chevalterre Nabil​

Vida Jodida

30 APR 2015

al amor le encanta joder
porque se me parte el alma
se me parte el corazon
de no haber recibido algun texto
alguna llamada
algun cariño
Cualquier Noticia
de tantos de ustedes...
Año tras año -
añadir y añadirrrrrrrr.....
Tsssssssssss
como nos hemos jodido uno al otro
porque asi lo hacemos
tan queridos amigos...
que se joda uno a la otra
el otro a una
vice versa
versos se dicen...
versos de mi mente seccionada
mi mente escapando
al olvido surreal...
intentando recordarlos
a cada uno de ustedes....
un chingo-mil de ustedes....
quienes casi ya no nos conocemos...
por habernos ocultado
detras de los androides...
el no sentir nada
ni en el corazon
Porque somos androides...
ni de carne
ni de huezo...
- aquella tarde cuando conoci
un hombre joven de cuarenta y pico
el setenta-y-tres porciento de su columna
columna metalica
mientras tardara un año en establecerce
en su sistema
el huye del frio...
en fin, el sonrie.
Ya no esta moribundo...
su vida previa jodida
hasta casi morir.
el sonrie
su cuerpo enderesado...
mientras el mio
de carne y huezo
con la misma alma
vieja, aburrida, jodida
sangrando...
de sangrando
enderesada por ser saciada
saciada por el espiritu del por alla
le puedo resar a Alah, Jesus, Buddha, Krshna
a los mensajeros y los angeles les puedo cantar...
porque el ser jodido
es ser bendecido
con el haber podido Vivir.
Doy gracias hoy...
por poder escribir este poema.
... esta cancion...
.... joder.
y aunque moribunda
sere yo...
- Je suis Chevalterre Nabil

Crash Into Me

Chevalterre Nabil - 2NOV14

shit!..
Time Travelling
to the late 1990's
Yokosuka
- The Honch,
Dobuita street
- Illustrating my
20-yr-old
sexy-drunken state
onto the pages
of my portfolio...
started with red ink,
(one of my shippy-shipmates
said I'd make a great tattoo artist,
he was partially right.)
I developed
a new technique
while ever
being unable
to find that
Chu-Hi stand --
my co-workers' rendezvous...
(I had imagined them huddled
in the middle of the street...
I sensed no freestyle beats
to jam to...)
So I'd end up
admiring the Mama San's
fashion and elegance
inside a pub
dared to be called
the Cotton Club!
and there was
the bar tender...
despite her
smoked up -
brittle -
rotting teeth,
... I would play
this Dave Matthews song
(I borrow the title
just for this poem)
and other cool shit
on the juke box,
while I ate gyouza
and chugged a Chu-hi
about 4 times larger
than the little cans
my shippy-shipmates
were prolly sippin' on...
We drank in the same neighborhood
at the same time...
Just never in the same place...
1998 Time Travel.
So the...
Drunken Japanese businessman
would borrow my ink
he'd doodle his techniques
into his notebook
- he wanted to try me and taste the artist
cold & senseless alley
May-December romance...
just there was no point
except to feel
my own libido
ego-stroked
because I illustrated
a dedication
to the 2nd Division's
drunken states...
nobody gave a shit.
We were young
and we were free
for a few hours...
never sleeping
on the streets...
never imprisoned
... filthy taboo lies
of society...
filthy nevertheless
were the Honch's vibes!
Thus filthy were the colors
filling in the red lines
of my drunken,
sex-drenched ...
thoughts...
interpreted design.
- I became a Sailor...
Life could never be the same.
I was addicted to nothing...
it was time to sober up.
But I want to be drunk!
IN LOVE!!!
As I always Love Life...
as well as my friends...
I wanna feel the crash!
Boom!
AHH!
sweet Chu-His on each pair of lips!
flesh on flesh...
of monogamous pairs
& random couples
a rare threesome...
straggled to their designated
hideaways...

PHOTO BOMBINGS

Chevalterre Nabil
30OCT14
...was only moments
for it to take place
The Attack.
En-Ormus!!
Suddenly Silent
...
reports written.
reports proofread.
reports edited.
reports filed.
phone calls made.
pushing to heal -
pushing to heal -
pushing to heal -
breathing unhindered
muscles not sore
still..
the mind is strong
...
components of the body
have done
as they
needed to.
root of the problem
is to be plucked
far beyond our reach
people to be approached
actions to be questioned
- 'if it's not Love.
then, it's Not Fun'
while I maintain
my poker face...
they go gaga over machines
machines which master
their minds
the androids
they have become...
not human
lack of moral capacities
the disregard
the iDon'tGiveAFffffffffff!!!!!
Hhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!
Sssssss- ist ist ist static attitude
Cartman characters
just do whatever
they want
- Just don't kill Kenny!
but they do it anyway
ev-uh-ree
seen-gull
DAY!

Simple Silver

Chevalterre Nabil
- 24 OCT 2014
----------------------
I was raised by Bizarro
Thus, ...
Bizarre things I am used to.
...
the Silver Linings of Life
only make things simpler...
...
Simplicities of Life
Light my path
quite rather Brighter...
...
My girlfriend Simplicity
fed me Silver.
First taste was light.
...
Changes are slight.
Muscular at first, it seems.
Collarbones used to Never,
ever hurt
while I coughed.
...
My throat rejected a vitamin ...
I choked on it last Tuesday...
airway blocked
by a dissolving vitamin
tried the nose
blocked by congestions
in lieu of allergens
spraying through the air
dissolve, vitamin
vitamin, dissolve
while my mind
is in mind
the soul shan't travel
no.
not far at all...
Save YOURSELF
Your self is safe:
saved myself...
the process of pains
ever so different
has it become...
...
anxiety without attacks
memories without seizing flashbacks!
...
a new kind of yearning
a new sort of sorrow
a new type of euphoria
a new emotion which has not been named!
...
all of my auras are embraced
tickled and caressed
have you hugged someone lately?
Beginning With Yourself!!!
...
it's only getting harder
to find or connect with any lover.
Too lonely.
I somehow had sought...
for a long time. ...
I yearn to hear your voice.
...
you may forget to call
you may neglect to fall
head over heels
over the one thing you want from me...
the blood thirsts for its own blood
left... yo left...
yo left, right...
in and out the ventricles...
pumpin' through our arteries and veins...
...
will we match?
we're each a good catch.
...
You'll never have to say you
Love Me.
I already knew you Did.

Plush Forest Survival

Fluffy Bunnies
hopping along

Teddy Bears
smiling at me...
(repeat 3x)

Residing all throughout
the enchanted forest...

as I walk along
connecting with all I love...
but what
do I see?

Why are you sad,
little puppy?

and Puppy says to me}

" There is a vast,
enormous ocean...
it is endless!
- of possibilities,
probabilities,
and opportunities!

into it I want to go!!

But in such heavy,
aggressive seas,
I cannot swim."

- Worry yourself not, Puppy friend.

I am a colorful Peacock
with reflective feathers
to signal our friend,
the Whale
to this placid beach.
The ocean's end...

Whale comes right along...
Whale is warm,
kind,
and inviting...

"Wipe your tears away,
sad Puppy...

A ride I shall
provide to thee!"

- A big tall leap,
the puppy jumped!
Happily navigating
atop the whale.

Puppy & Whale
exchanging stories
along their way...
fluffy bears
and bunnies
waving
'fair thee well'

as they face to the horizon.

Heart of the Wise

Heart of Wisdom
Heart of Gold...
I shall don it
like a crown
reaching high up

to the sky...

from the heavens
ascends the wise owl...
the Oracle!

it kindly perches
atop the heart
as the heart beats...
its rhythm sets the cadence
Heavy-footed on the
Left...
.. Left...
.. .. Left... Right

A Sailor's cadence
must be sung
harmoniously by a strong voice

When in unison
with a family
... a team
it gains force

Life Force Consciousness

with discipline...

devoted...
Harmonious songs, lyrics, poems,
stories of experiences
with focus...

devoted...

create your own
form of the Vedas...
de tu Vida
tu consciencia!

Life Force Consciousness

feel good
.. feel safe
.. .. feel fine!

At Ease.

Pocket Filled with Red

I'll wear a pocket filled with red,
my attire in black and white...
mostly stripes...
I never was a lost child.
but as a child I'd lost my way...
The spirits still guide.
By their rules I must abide.
To reinvent and create...
to meditate as I weave...
macrame of black & white stripes -
and pendants of mostly red.
Patriotic & Protesting
for true to our roots we are.
Red, White, Blue...
Black and Yellow.
Cardinal Directions...
Honoring reflections -
of messages told
by ancestral spirits on sacred lands.
Praying to the North,
South,
East,
West,
and some water to our Mother.
I'll wear my pocket filled with red...
the penca de nopal
adorning my forehead
a quite large green bindi...
with curly afro hair...
proudly don my crown -
The languages I speak
sharpen my Eagle beak
Silver tongue as I open up to speak!
Kindly, with compassion.
Mis polluelos y polluelas
no desamparen!
Do not give up!!
We will never be erased.
We fight for this land!
We fight for Our Culture!
Nuestra cultura.
Nuestras raices.
For when the narrow minded
'black & white' fool
begins to clown around...
out of my pocket -
filled with the Red
bandana -
replacing the rainbow butterflies...
They will ask why.
I'll tell them, do not cry.
For it is in you too - to don
from Your own pocket filled with red.
the color of the path
to which we each belong.
Do not put it over your eyes.
For we are not that easily blinded.
Don it on your head,
underlining your crown.
no fair frowning, little clown.
just be happy, and proud
to be Brown.
............
- Chevalterre Nabil ( KLRabstracts)
15 June 2014

Prose & Prayer

Chevalterre Nabil - 3NOV2013

In a lover's embrace
As I looked up at his face...
Rama's Eyes appeared for a moment.

In a child's tickle
As we made up games...
Christ's Warmth filled my senses.

Amidst destitute and hardship
my deceased ex held me tightly!
He took me back to where we once were...

In a catatonic episode
as my voice did leave me
Mohammed (Allah) directed me to Pray...

Great Grandmother in Reconnection
Honoring the Earth
Said, "Everything will be okay."

During an ultrasound of the ER...
Buddha's Radiance Shown!
in the black and white sideways screen...

Amidst the Winter Meditation:

Friend & I Rang Bells
My visions were flushed
of fuscia and orange...

The flying green Elephant
Joyfully Venerates our Lord
Dancing East to West...

God's Eye's reciprocation
Diagonal Ascension!
Bathed in ever-waving Rainbows...

Centered upon my meditative vision...

Centered within the Triangle}
- the number Three
- Holy Trinity
GLORY TO HIS AND HER DIVINITY!

He sees me...
I see Him...

He says "I am HERE"
I acknowledge His Presence
Feeling his Unconditional Love...

Devoted to the Universe
& Her Creations

Since the Day of my Birth...
You Know You Were Too.

Seek His Love.
And Ye Shall Find...
Losing count
of the many ways
God says,
"Hello."

Can you count the ways?
Have you noticed when the Lord is near?
Search from the Deep Within.

He is Your Friend.
Shake your Neighbor's Hand.
Sing a song with the Señora
sitting next to you
on the bus.

You will see Him there.
He will see you there.

$4L3Z poems

The Sales Spell

31JAN14 - Chevalterre Nabil - KLR

I'm sellin' fashion

with a passion.

For tomorrow I'll be stashin'

some cash in

my pocket!

Charming the Customer (Sales Pitch)

2FEB14 Chevalterre Nabil - KLR

Hey there Mr. Superman!

you know you so fly man

come on over for a minute

chat with me because you can!

Light of the Heart & Mind

Your mind...

don't leave it there

behind

in the middle of

the bump and grind...

.

Open up

to something kind

.

a thought...

.

in it

you will find

that you never needed

to have fought!

.

All you ever needed

was to have sought

.

out...

.

what you really got...

.

It ain't ever been

of what's out and about.

..

Still...

bein' exposed to

all of that

has helped you

Realize...

.

What is Just

.

What is Right

.

Not dark lust

.

Don't get Lost

.

Find that Brightness

.

Feel the Lightness

.

Walk to it

UpRight!

.

after walkin'

and marchin'

Mile after Mile

.

all the while

you have

Returned

Home...

.

That Light

Silently

Subsiding...

burning...

providing warmth...

.

calidez...

.

Feel it

en el Corazon

.

Te late,

te late,

te late...

.

La Luz...

.

Light...

.

Within

You!

Black August Video

Video recorded 7 Dec, 2013 - original poem previously blogged 1 Aug, 2013

Rap4Peace - Recorded Video

Original Blog - on Calendar Menu: Feb. 2013
Enjoy & Hope you like it!

   

9-11

this took me 12 years to write...

the phone call to his BEQ at 0200
flashes of the towers on the television
I asked why he was watching a movie
he said, "I gotta drop you off at the ship"
my chest pounded with the news
wiping the sleep that blinded me
my eyes saw -
The Twin Towers...
my ears rang hard at the sound of -
The Pentagon...
and I wondered, what about the Borders?
in my gut, I was certain of schemes
barriers already put up
the sight of sand-colored camos shaking hands with khakis
at the Kitty Hawk Pier frightened me...
my face drenched, not by rain
my bag at the Blue Ridge pier,
not checked 100%
I was the first in the Admin department to return to the ship.
Since Gauthier was shore duty YN2,
shore duty Admin got the first phone calls.
letting go of the comfort
of our somber disturbed...
awake 48 hrs in the office
we'd been glued to the TV screens
we yearned to be there.
yearned to help & rescue.
We had a ship to refurbish.
Watches to stand.
Guns to man.
I prayed
I wished
to never shoot to kill.
Prayers get answered.
Wishes come true.

9-11, not relived
just not forgotten.

Took me 12 years to write this shit.

A Morning Chat on Badoo

Love - is not an action.
Love is a way of Life.

 -- many have been, are, will be
husbands,
boyfriends,
lovers,
boy toys,
etc...

 just acting out a stupid role -

but they never achieve being
confidents or best friends.

because they never truly love --
they hate people
for simply understanding
for showing unconditional love.

they have tried everything
to manifest their hatred.

 Love - is not an action.
Love is a way of Life.
The Gurl — 10:52

so what are you looking for here?

The Fella — 10:53

 I am looking for a woman to love, you?

The Gurl  — 10:53

what is love to you?

The Fella— 11:00

caring, honesty, faithful, understanding
     

- what's love to you?

The Gurl — 11:02

love is a way of life.

The Gurl  — 11:08

;) (she winks)

The Fella — 11:25

hmmmmmnnn

The Fella — 11:26

and what do you want on here?

The Gurl  — 12:07

my best friend

The Fella — 12:12

you dont want anything more?

- why?

The Gurl  — 12:13

don't limit your way of thinking

The Fella — 12:14

how?

The Gurl  — 12:15

  -- many have been, are, will be
husbands,
boyfriends,
lovers,
boy toys,
etc...

 just acting out a stupid role -

but they never achieve being
confidents or best friends.

because they never truly love --
they hate people
for simply understanding
for showing unconditional love.

they have tried everything
to manifest their hatred.
 Love - is not an action.
Love is a way of Life.

The Fella — 12:18

hmmmnn...
 - those words are wise

The Gurl  — 12:21

after many things I've been through.
I didn't "let myself" be had,
I didn't act out on my suicidal thoughts,
I never sought out revenge,
I rescued myself,
I've gained and regained focus
- processed the metanoia
-- I'm still standing.

so when an individual
just won't be a friend to begin with,

I'm out!

The Fella — 12:33

ok, I got you

 

- you are pretty wise honest woman

 

 - I like that

The Gurl  — 12:35

:''> (she blushes)

The Fella — 12:47

really?

The Gurl  — 12:47

lol

   

well yes really you made me blush!

15 Aug. 2013 by Chevalterre Nabil, The Gurl age 35, and The Fella at age 45.

Pear Coccoon

Pretty

Pretty

Pretty Pear

your body so lovely
your shape is rare

a shade of green
brown speckles and stem

how was one to know
within you was a gem?

Pretty

Pretty

Pretty Pear

sweet are your juices
splashing onto my hair

the deeper I bight
more of the earth I taste

gushing delight
but what is this earthy aftertaste?

within you a chrysalis
within you a cocoon
within you had been a caterpillar
within you a mother's womb

I lament to have eaten you
I lament to have tasted you
I lament to have mistaken you
for a deform-ed seed...

You would have become
Gaia's interweaving
Gaia's macramé ...

with pairs of wings
to fly and flutter

a sight on my eyes
to caress
like bread under butter

you did not say a word
you were so still

you would have been a silky bird
the taste on my teeth is shrill

forgive me would be butterfly
forgive me would be moth

I shall dream of you in flight
I shall dream of your host's delight

My Pear Coccoon,
rest in peace
good night.

Chevalterre Nabil
15 Aug 2013, 2a.m.

Black August

Black is Beauty

Black as rain

Black is Solitude

Black is the solemn pain

gradually seeping

through my being

unallowed to enter my crimson core

allowed to dispurse out to nowhere

never...

let it absorb all the colors...

they each

Vermillion



Gold

Emerald

Indigo

Haze grey

... they each

 out - stretched

as I stretch this morning.

with my arms up high

towards the sun.

The ever-loving sun.

Holy Trinity.

Core of the Milky Way.

All these colors

dispursed...

speckled...

speckled sun kisses...

zesty ginger on my sushi.
speckled sesame seeds on top
tickling taste buds.
Black sesame seeds

colors amidst the Black.

Black Turkish Rose
little black rose buds.

Black caresses my heart.

It does not enter.

-- Chevalterre Nabil
1AUG2013
11a.m.

Dedication to Erick Djerf, 1963-2010

Facebook Note of 9:20p.m., 31July2013
"better to have lost in love,
than never to have loved at all",
 it is said...
but it is also terribly cruel.
 I cannot
(and don't think I want to)
get over the loss of an ex,
not the way that he passed.
He was afraid,
and endured pain
for God knows how many years
- Still he loved God,
 his life,
 all his friends...
he'd been a great jazz musician,
artist and art teacher.

Maybe having watched
those Twighlight Zone movies was a sign?
Meh!
We loved watching
good old-fashioned sci-fi.
How we'd met was spontaneous,
out of an open mic during Mardi Gras 2008.
He asked me out,
picked me up from a drawing class
out of an underground ronchy venue
in Downtown.
We'd spent two weeks together
and learned a lot about each other...

He'd written before he left this realm,
I treated him as if I would maybe
get to talk to him again...

Today, I saw his name tagged,
 and thought I would tell him 'hello'....

 The pain of this mourning
is gradually seeping.
It is okay.
He didn't deserve to suffer
his bipolar pains.
He deserves to rest in peace.
He passed 3 years ago,
and I just found out today.
It's the first time
I lose someone this close,
I have to devote some more work
in his honor.

Facebook Note of 5:30p.m. & My Last Letter to Erick - 31July2013

You are not an abandoned soul
out in the middle of the desert...
You were never that monster
you were afraid to become...
You were my muse,
My Life,
My Love,
and My Everything...
you were supposed to remain,
annoyingly adorable ex...
... We'd watched our films
of Sci-Fi
in Black & White...
I giggled about your cat,
begging us for breakfast.
We were neighbors,
and delicious lovers.

For you, in those two weeks we were together,
I wrote:

 "Arms embracing like arboles branches
reaching for the sol

 Skin glistening like the luna
reflecting off the ojas

 Kisses pecking like striped bumbles
hopping upon petalos

 Bodies in rhythm like avejas
drinking sweet nectar

 Lluvia from the sky
falling into the tierra

 absorbing sacredly."

 -- Praying With My Love, 2008

(although I read it to you one night,

you may have or never have heard it...

but people have been enjoying it)

 ... we went to church one time.

two years later you had written to apologize.

That monster within had torn us apart.

Your spirit shall always be cherished.

Erick Djerf, you are a beautiful soul
wherever & whenever you may be.

Love, Karla Lopez

 

*The story of his passing.

How do you see that child?

just kindly sharing, and although we don't know each other... careful what you wish upon a child (your own or not)
I was a happy skinny little girl. ate well, slept well... my dad used to keep picking on me about my size. and as I kept growing more healthy... and things in the family would slowly go downward... being a healthier size, and now showing so much bones then turned into being picked on for not being so skinny. It was awkward. by the age of 10, problems in the family had already kick started my depression. so to the point that subconsciously the eating habits were no longer on that happy healthy level. Fast forward to 1997, as I joined the Armed Forces - I barely made it in weighing just 4 lbs over my maximum weight. Stress made me gain weight, surgeries made me retain many fluids. I ballooned from a moderate 175 lbs to 215 lbs. Little by little after I fulfilled my contract, honorably discharged - My body took on it's natural form. Let's call it a rebirth. I'm over all the things I went through in my 20's. Going into my 30's I'm blessed, working whenever scheduled as a model in art classes. Despite all the comments people/society continuously makes towards one another about the way they look. It's not about your intentions or wishes. Instead, if you will, please consider your tendencies of thinking & speaking & writing.
"All she needs is a little more meat on her bones", was repeated to me... I would have been a different kind of model, or even better - would have been able to work more time in the Military. Had that phrase Never been said to me.
I live a happier life because I choose to. Not because anyone else wished it for me.
- See yourself and others well.

KLR's Rap 2013

Gimme a Beat!
..Well... !

Here's a little story, I'd like to tell

about some stupid little people that like to give me hell!

They show a lot of hatred, and scare my friends away,

but I gotta kick them outta my life, as soon as Today!

Some are in my family, some call themselves my friends

but they don't really love, and practice ill trends.

When I catch them in their act

behaving so stupid, and talking so dumb.

They expect me to be emotional,

but I just feel so numb!

I wanna have a good day, I wanna have fun

don't mean to be astray, please tell me a joke - share a pun!

These stupid people in my past can make me mad.

I feel that if I kick them out, it may make me glad.

I'd rather hang with my pals

amazing dudes and gals

they dance and play

are straight, some gay
they are colorful and natural

musical and cultural

of different creeds

doing good deeds

share veggie feeds

planting good seeds!

They write a lot of poetry

and spread the good word.

They deserve attention, y'all and need to be heard.

You see, I used to live in silence

I used to be a mute

And once I started making friends

They showed me I was alright, and kinda cute!

I opened up to giggle, let out a little laugh

drawing triangles and circles on paper of graph

when I started writing I was as sad as Poe

I didn't want nobody treating me like a ho!

These people of hate are still in my life

so bare with me please,

on my own I go through this strife!

I wish you didn't know, I hope it doesn't show

I feel so damn depressed, this illness needs to go.

I can pray and meditate, that's just not enough

if this happens to you.. it's not tough
to get up - Stay Up!

I'll show you how it's done --

Click "delete", don't accept defeat

when they call, throw the curve ball

Keep them outta your house and wish them well.

They can drag their little tails.

Too bad, oh well!

I had a hard time writing this

now there is silence and bliss.

listen up and understand

that "no" means "no"
As in, if someone says "no thank you",

"you're alright, I'm good",
Or if they're just quiet and show a smile

You know it's all good.

Just learn to back off, be at peace with yourself.

If you keep giving hell, then go seek Help!

Look deep within yourself and realize

We all have our agendas

we each have a demise

Don't aim it towards nobody, do not impose on them.

Learn to live, learn to love

Within you is a gem.

Feel it near, see it clear.

And be disturbed no more....

Peace! Yo!

Have a Nice Day. :D

Letting go of the Bad Old Ways

I am missing the good ol' days,

but I gotta let go.

I am missing the good ol' days,

but

I

must

let

go.

I must break the chains

yes,

those wickedly

traced chains

etched chains

chain marks

bruises

slashes

cuts

dents in our rib cages

left behind...

left behind...

the pseudo war wounds

from our banters

ravings

love rings

criminal

policital stings

political agendas

forgetting that you are a

poet

a writer

an artist

harrassing others

with your annoying cries of

Oh, but what Everyone does to me!

I used to shrug my shoulders and say

write about it.

stop thinking about it.

ponder it no further.

Write

About

It.

on your iPad

iPhone

sketch pad

back pocket note pad

palm of your had

blog

grandma's grocery list

ex-girlfriend's bleached jeans

I do not care.

Just write it!

If I enable You -

if I let you just mouth it to my face

it strikes like thorns...

into my eye pupils,

the end of my tongue,

my nostril,

my chest,

my lungs,

my thighs...

Yes,

you get too close.

You've gone too far.

Outrageously outraged

with these ill thoughts

that you just won't get rid of

because you feel you're such a victim.

and you wanna have a drink with me

like the good ol' days...

But all that has changed.

we boycotted the old hang out

it shut down

too many beggars grab

at my boobs at the new joint

I used to be able to yell so much!

...but now

no so much

not as much

any...

more...

even if I try.

I

am

Tired...

I am tired of

all the anger

and the hatred

and the rage

and the annoyance

of the gossip

and all of evil's pleasures...

It is difficult to remember

the good ol' days

if you can't remind me

of the good old ways...

and if you can't win over

the good ol' pals

good ol' lovers

good ol' guys and gals

we all used to

hang

out

with.

I have to let you go.

Mexican-American at New Tokyo's

Today's Facebook Note turned into a good blog topic  story...

This one's about being multicultural...

*I'm remembering an evening I went out to New Tokyo's on the Honch...
The year was 2001, post 9-11.
The pub called New Tokyo's was the gay hang out.
The Honch is the honcho street, a.k.a. main street - happens to be Dobuita Street, just a walk across from the main gate of the Yokosuka Navy Base, Yokosuka Japan.

My hair was all long,
it reached my bum, overlapping 2 inches.
Naturally wavy, I straightened it
and sprayed a white streak on the side.
"my look, my art" I thought. Pero NO!
I truly didn't see myself the way others did.
I've always been aware of my cultural makeup.
Just I ignored other people's biases...

That night, I got profiled left and right!

My analogy is that of a vynil record}

Side A.
by a co-worker in Admin.
     I'll call him stupid, because he used to call himself stupid.
     He's actually, a fantastic soul. a Chritian Reverend.
     I admire his spirit.
     At the time, I felt we were friends with different opinions, yet similar points of view.
     We can try to make sense of that.

Side B.
was totally weirded out by a 7-fleet coreman
He always seemed sweet, very Mexican, but never from Mexico.
I discovered that hiding behind his mild manners
was a vato from Chi-town...
He was a little cholillo!
And he was totally tripping out on the way I looked.
I did also happen to be wearing all black, not very much makeup on my face, mind you.

This fucker was so pissed drunk, he started calling me VETERANA.
I was all in my white girl innocent mentality "whaddaya mean? whaddaya mean?".
UGH! LOL
I had no freaking clue, not anyone from El Paso or Los Angeles had ever explained to me...
though I felt the feeling offending me that a Veterana is by urban dictionary defined as an: "Old school hood rat. typically has exagerated hair bangs, drawn-in eyebrows & a dark shade of lipstick and has been around the block a couple of thousand times."

I will admit I have loved wearing black or blue lipstick, but that's a gothic thing, anyway...

His vibe changed to make me feel better}
That dude was all "I Luuuuv youuu, I RESPECT you, cuz you a VETERANA!.
Which his meaning changed to that of a Spanish dictionary meaning:

1   A person of experience in their profession and knowledge of all its long term aspects.

2   Applies to someone of military experience, and deep meanings of life.

3    Applies to someone elder, in age who still practice the same skill and trade as those who are younger.

 

4    A person who has been to war, in combat.

So those are my translations of what I found in an online Castillian dictionary.

Still I didn't really know. I was only about 22 years old. I wasn't Any kind of Veteran - no where near it.

So I couldn't get him to shut up.
Looked him in the eye and said
Honey, thank you, but you are fucking drunk.
You need to get some water and go home!

.....

So to complete today's blog
here's an awesome Beck Video, song is Perdedor/Loser
It has plenty of Spanglish. I forget what album it's from.
So I also recommend the 1996 album Odelay, which when you sound it out is ORALE!!